Dear Alessia 010822

Traveling champion
You took your first flight
And you magnetized the entire crew to your smile
Life is such a joyous thing
When you don’t know better
So I guess every gurus thousand day journey begins
Trying to find a way to not know better
I read somewhere that depressed people see the world more realistically
And I always said and thought exactly that
Particularly when depressed
But now I think life is about finding that sweet spot of delusion
Where you are close to your dreams
Moving towards them
Motivated and engaged by the reality you are in
But oppressively looking at it square
You have to see better days ahead
Better days that aren’t yet there
Walk by faith and not by sight (to put it another way)
Despair comes when there is no way out or through
Despair comes when hope is holding a highway sign by the highway
Which reads
Just one hamburger away from a happy day

We woke up at 3 am in Brooklyn
Your mama never went to sleep
Both of us packing light (only carry ons)
I brought enough gear to do a radio show
And a guitar for old times sake
Anymore a guitar is like a traveling security blanket
And the promise that i could write that lonely motel hit always looms in the distance twiddling his thumbs

We cultivate our energy
We lean into hope to make more hope
Just like we go on runs to breath deep
To touch the mechanics of our salvation
And pretend like we never had a wayward thought about giving up
We have hearts full of grace and wonder
We are born that way
Head strong into a world bent on the idea of beating us down
The mechanics of fear
Looking to our guts with switchblade eyes

We got out the house at four am
In brooklyn it was a winter wonderland
I wanted to take a picture of you and your mama
But she was cracking the whip as we were late and then I fell
My hokas not made for winter
I skinned my knee and ripped through my pants before we even made it to the subway
That’s a good omen I thought
Bleeding and wet we made it to the F train
And then JFK
And then our flight.

Having a baby as cute as you
Far from being the airport nightmare you hear about
Or sometimes see as you make your way past security
Acted like an ez pass upgrade
Your smile and happiness charming all the airport peeps focusing on you more
Than whatever nonsense we have in our bags triggering alarms
And I always have bags full of electronics that need to be spread all over trays
Like a train of lost dreams going through X-ray machines

We got to stretch out in our own rows
You were a dream
You barely cried and just wielded your infectious smile like some crazy sword given to you by the Gods of happiness

Your grand dad picked us up with flowers for your mama
And a car wrapped in dentures
Fake teeth grinning at the cars passing by
Like the universe smiling once again
We put out things in his car
I thought this is so poetic somehow
And I’m sure it will dawn on me six months from now
Life’s little poetic winks
The orchestrated dance of overcoming limitations
And the people that you meet
I enjoyed meeting your mamas dad
Your grand dad
We shook hands and he said hi son and then we both laughed.
Lots of moments like that through out the day looking for places to potentially escape NYC too.
Riding around in that car covered in teeth
A toothy grin
Speaking mechanical breezes to the highways of discontent
The man works with teeth and that’s the reason for it
But like with all of life there is always layers
Layers everywhere

He dropped us off for a nap at the crusty hotel we are staying at
And I stayed up degenning trades on open sea
While you and your mama passed out

Your granddad had been following us on social and wanted to make sure to take me to the park on the way to all you can eat sushi so I could get my (at least) one mile run in

My leg hurt from the fall in brooklyn and my pants were still ripped. I barely packed any clothes
And I was exhausted
But him making sure I could get that run in was sweet and I couldn’t very well punt my New Years resolution so easily
So we went to a park and I ran around a small lake
You and your mama and your grand dad walked around it
And we met up with his wife and young daughter.
And then all you can eat sushi
Eating heavy into waves of oscillating exhaustion
The run actually lifted my energy way up
And I went on about how if I hadn’t set that goal there is no way I would have run in that situation
Sometimes resolutions are just what the doctor ordered.

This morning I beat the sun and drove the smiling car to Starbucks
And wrote this laying next to you and your mama still sleeping
I think I will go outside for a run before this day starts proper

If you give days nicknames
Ima call this one groove machine
I’m feeling the vibes.