Would you believe it?
None of those other days were your birthday at all
You were born today! August 2nd 2021.
70 hours of labor
The process of your arrival so intense
It was beyond what we bargained for
But life tends to be that way
Watching and helping your mama go through the process
Of bringing you here
One of the most astounding things I’ve witnessed
The miracle of life realizing itself.
36 hours in and having not slept or eaten much
(Food was hard to keep down)
She had a moment where she doubted she could do it
We were both exhausted
And convention leads you into hospitals
Drugs and often surgery
But we really wanted to do this at home
And we were prepared for how long labor might be
We had watched many videos and movies about the process
And it seemed to me
Impatience was the root cause of hospitals suggesting c sections
And it’s not hard to frighten an exhausted mother
Up against the most excruciating and blissful experience possible.
At 36 hours in we both had a moment of considering
Heading to the hospital
Our amazing Doula Gayle was out of town but guiding us on the phone in such a loving and knowing and fearless way
She did much to assure us everything was ok
I kept giving your mama concentrated electrolytes
Bottles and bottles of fancy coconut water
Spoon feeding her full fat Greek yogurt and honey
Then I would hover and hope she kept it down
At that critical moment
We went on a walk out side
On our street in Brooklyn
The sun out bright
Two exhausted freak shows and a third on the way
We determined
To give it a few hours and see if there was a turn around
The walk helped
(Just up and down a single street in the sun. The same walk I would be taking you on just hours later. Your tiny face meeting the sun for the first time)
Walking sideways upstairs shifted your mamas hips
Your head pointing down
Working
I’m sure you were giving it your all as well
Your mama got into a position
Where she could rest a little
We prayed often during this process
Especially when it seemed like we couldn’t go on
Lord Jesus
Bring our little girl here safe and sound
Let Anna be safe and sound
Thank you lord Jesus
Thank you.
And our doula was coming back to Brooklyn that evening and we invited her over to check on Anna
Our Doula’s husband John called me during this
And said
I wish someone had told me that it might not go as you expect it to go
And that’s ok
I put him on speaker phone so Anna could hear
I was touched by his encouragement and his story of how the birth of their daughter went.
In their case water broke and days past and a fever set in
So off to the hospital they went naturally
We were nowhere near that kind of turbulence
Ours was simply endurance and spirit based
Physical too
But not in a dangerous way
We were determined to do it at home
But not being dangerous about it.
The hospital was close
And honestly when you research childbirth
Even if your intention is to goto the hospital
It’s recommended that you hold out as long as possible
So we reasoned that the Hospital would always be an option
And in knowing that
Why not go for our dream scenario?
The electrolytes kicked in and Anna managed some rest between potent contractions
We were in what is known as prodormal labor
And Gayle told us labor isn’t linear
It ebbs and flows
I’m not claiming to be an expert but I have studied midwifery quite a bit now
And turns out I’ve even delivered a baby (spoiler alert)
And I feel like if women went into knowing labor
Probably would and maybe even should last far longer than most hospitals will allow before they ring alarms of panic and call for surgery.
Building up to all this me and Anna would watch many birthing videos and study the process
And I would always say
Labor takes a week
If they just told mothers
That labor takes a week
They would be pleasantly surprised that it didn’t take so long
Instead
The expectation is that labor should be sorta quick
Longer than 24 hours and people get concerned
That’s all wrong
That’s a set up
To take the job out of nature’s hands and put it in the hands of man
Who once again
Thinks that he can improve upon God’s flawless design
If I were God I’d be like
These lunatics and shake my head. Haha
So much fear is placed around giving birth
But just like with everything else in the bodies design
If you let it do it’s thing
If you don’t interfere
If you trust and lead with faith and prayer
And educate yourself
And be ready should something go wrong
But trust that it will go right
I bet far less injury would occur if people commonly approached it like that.
The level of concern we faced by well meaning people who caught wind that we might attempt this in this way was over the top. We didn’t want to lie so we just got quiet about our plans and knew that for us we were approaching this in the safest way possible.
All considered
With the medical community involved with what the medical community is involved in these days. I’ll leave that there. But y’all know what I’m talking about.
Your body knows how to let you rest during this marathon
And by the time Gayle came over at 915
Anna was back in full power
Back in full swing
Hanging from some pull up bars I set up
Swaying her hips back and forth
She had stations and positions all over the apartment
The bath
The bedroom
The living room
The couch
Gayle came in
I had managed to straighten up
Talk Talk’s Laughing Stock was playing on the stereo
Atmospheric lights were a glow
Anna came out of the room like a hostess at a gathering
Beaming and smiling and dressed
I hadn’t expected that
Gayle said
You look great
And then looked at me and said
What are you doing?
She was surprised that she was as full of life and color I suppose this deep in the process
You’re glowing she said
I told her about the electrolytes
From fasting I know how important those are
Anna had some contractions with Gayle there
And Gayle showed us how to relieve the burden from Anna by
Squeezing the outside of her hips together and up
Creating space in the pelvic region
(For you to keep working your way down)
Anna would moan
Oh that feels so much better
She would say
We had a renewed sense that we could make this
Closing in on 48 hours
I read her an account of a labor that had taken 72
When you consider a pregnancy is nine months
To expect the labor to be fast is kinda illogical to me
And like I said
I think if mothers went into it expecting it to take a week they would be far less afraid
And much more open to letting nature take its time.
The baby has no concept that you are in a hurry.
After Gayle left
I managed some sleep and so did Anna
Thankfully
When I came back into the living room
She was in a new position
Like riding a horse in the middle of the room
She set up cushions which
Assimilated , to a degree,
The relieving action of squeezing her hips
Or shaking the tree
Shaking the hips back and forth also relieving the pain
And then
Rather than seeing an exhausted or defeated person
Her eyes were ablaze with new energy and determination
Her spirit was high
And she told me
We got this
I was so happy
And yet this process still seemed never ending
It started to become hard to believe there would ever be anything else in this world but trying to get you born
I put on Rocky
And we watched it
Your mama never saw it before
The part where he first runs up the stairs in Philly and is all cramped and barely makes it to the top (after drinking the five raw eggs and 4 am)
That was your mama at 36 hours
The part before the fight where he runs up the stairs fast and with out a problem
To the music his arms raised up like a champion
That was your mama
When I saw her after the nap at 48 hours
A total legend.
I was Mick her trainer
Visiting her house trying to be her manager
And even telling her to stay down deep in the fight against Apollo
Stay down
Stay down
Exhausted for her
But at one point you actually were coming
At one point
The bell was gonna ring.
After Rocky finished
(I picked to inspire)
I said wanna watch Rocky 2
She said
There’s another?
I laughed. I said yeah there’s like 8 of them
We put it on but her contractions started to come again
Intensely
In my mind I felt like it would be another night before you came
Inferring information from what Gayle was saying
And maybe because the process had been so long and your mamas water hadn’t broken yet
I tried to get a little rest as exhaustion crept over me
(This part I feel a little guilty about because this was critical and I let exhaustion take me for a few minutes. Understandable of course in the scheme of things. We were going on 70 hours with very limited rest. This was my moment in the fight against Creed where I told her to stay down and I should have Said Go hard but that’s a minor detail thankfully because just after her water broke. I was there. Thank God)
Your mamas contractions got to an intensity which they hadn’t been before
Mind you at this point
This was just normal life
Amazing how quickly we adjust to whatever is happening
She called out and I heard her scream
I came into the bathroom
She said my water broke
She’s coming
We got Gayle on the phone
I had my hand in the water ready to catch you
Anna felt for you and said
I can feel the top of her head
She’s coming
I put my hand there ready to catch you
I felt for the top of your head as well
And there you were finally descending
Or ascending.
Becoming. A miracle.
I put my hand in the water
Ready to catch you coming into the world.
Gayle was on speaker phone
Guiding us
Anna screamed and pushed and your tiny head popped out into the water
Into my hand
(Between her legs)
My instinct took over to help pull you out but not too hard
Both hands now in the water helping you slide out
The three of us making the vision of your life come true.
It was the most beautiful thing I have ever had the pleasure to do.
It was gravity
It was your amazing mama
It was you
And it was me
And then
You were in my hands
The whole tub red with blood
No chord around your neck
Good
Thank God.
I brought you to your mamas chest and immediately
You sputtered to life
Crying loud and powerful
Clearing the lungs
Hi we said over and over
Gayle saying those cry’s are great. Powerful
Great sign
Your mama so blissful so powerful so happy
We had done it
We had brought you in
Brought you here
And now the dream of your life begins.
We sat there in disbelief
Elated and overjoyed
Gayle told us the placenta would come probably soon and call her back in twenty
And then there was just the three of us
Your mama in a red tub
You crying and clearing your lungs
Me just amazed at you and her
Exhausted and elated
You came out pink like a baby
Not covered in goo and alien like
Which I see so often
You came out picture ready
Like someone did your make up in heaven
It’s hard to remember details of those moments
We were just floating in the bliss of your presence
Caught in hoodwinked by the grasp of your grace.
Anna asked
Has it been twenty minutes? We should call Gayle
We were casual. Too casual
The placenta hadn’t come out yet
And neither of us were aware that that could quickly become a problem
We had a very serious blind spot at that moment
Congratulating ourselves in the grip of your love and amazing cries.
We called Gayle
She said it’s been thirty minutes
If the placenta isn’t out yet
You need to goto the hospital
We looked at each other
Your mama and me
Like wtf?
Gayle who had been cool as a cucumber during this whole thing
Who never once matched our fear and concern
But always told us the truth and that what was happening was normal
Now and for the first time had something like panic in her voice
So you better believe we took her seriously
She had more than earned that with us.
We hurried off the phone and told her that we would try to get it out and goto the hospital soon if we couldn’t
She reiterated how important that was
And we believed her all over again as we hung up.
Are you kidding me I said. We’ve gone all this way and now this
Let’s pray
We both said
We bowed our heads
Lord Jesus
Please let the placenta come
Please protect Anna
Please give us a miracle
In Jesus name we pray. Amen.
We took turns pressing in her womb as she pushed from tired contractions
And soon. Very soon. Thankfully soon.
The giant placenta just fell out all over the bottom of the tub.
I grabbed pot from the stove
And picked it up and placed it there still connected to the chord
As were you
Important elements vital to life still flowing. The chord still very much alive.
We considered a lotus birth
Whereby we kept the chord attached until it fell off naturally.
After a full night though we cut it as it was clear that nothing was transferring from there to you any longer.
It had gone white and whatever there was for you inside of it had found it’s way.
I covered both sides of the placenta with salt and put it in the fridge
Something I would have thought was weird before. I now think of as sacred.
After we cut the chord we weighed you
On a hanging scale your body wrapped in a blanket dangling my hand underneath.
7.16 pounds. Perfect.
Gayle wrapped me with a scarf blanket and it held you close to me
As Gayle inspected your mother
I took you outside for the first time
We walked up and down that street
Letting you feel the sun for the first time
You were sleeping peacefully in my arms
And I was singing
We love you so much
We love you so very much.