Dear Alessia 083021

You’re wild
The machine of you
Booting up
It’s a slow moving shooting star
A new twinkle in your eye
Making a new connection
Calling to a new dove of heaven
Every day new connections
Witnessing the great awakening of your being
A constant being born
A
Constant becoming
And us too being born through you
The happiness transcends the trouble
And I can see we are on our path to the promise of fulfillment

Today begins new days
As all days begin new days
And my mind is blank
My mind is a rescue
I feel free
To bribe the universe for a new agenda
We were up all night so monday morning is blown
There is a new protest at noon at city hall
And maybe I’ll run that way and let the writing come differently
I like doing this in the morning
But there is no morning now
It’s 1111
Make a wish
Our wish is a country home somewhere safe
Somewhere the state doesn’t feel like visiting
Our utopia is a big family
Togetherness through Christ
And creative projects wide open and extending hope to a fractured world
Our hope is holidays and freedom
Hard work and love
Things we’ve been taught to strive for
But things which have taken on strange meaning
We are a country under attack
And there has been a dismantling of the foundation
This country was built on
These ideals linked with nefarious agendas
And the worst parts of our history
Chained to the righteous parts of our vision
To pervert and prevent the whole damn thing
But then what are you trading it for?
We want nature
To sleep with chirping birds
Through dewy Dawn’s wild eyes
Children running and laughing through the grass
Without thoughts of goodbyes

We drove home from Massachusetts and I made us a giant meal
Cheese burgers with no buns
Then full fat yogurt and honey for desert
We all fell asleep straight after
And then I ran into the city listening to Donda

Something about running that lets you know
Your dreams are still on fire
And listening to Kanye West is inspiring
His confidence in creative choices
And his belief in his greatness
Really does fill you with the hope for your own future visions
Sweating in a champion shirt
Running over the bridge
Really just thinking about you and your mama
And how lucky I am
That we are still holding to the dream of love
Rooted in prayer and the most high
And weekly therapy
Feeling like we really can make this work
Kanye singing about marital problems
Me thinking the family really is the ultimate challenge
And society gives endless exits out of it
Tempts you to surrender to the engine of the times
A device like a rabid dog in the hands of addictive tendencies providing escape for the natural difficulties life is full of
Full of think pieces
Which puppet the ideals of Satan
Dressed in fancy language and garbage cans of light
He will be disguised as a soldier of light.
This is his kingdom according to the Bible
Then what on earth are we doing here?
How have we been born into this ?
What kind of challenge have we been placed here to overcome
And for those that have surrendered to darkness
What are the patterns of their days
What do those challenges look like?

I’m enjoying turning my back to the world
(But it’s not permanent. Just a shift)
I’m enjoying the transition of this life

When we got home we could see what we built
You are becoming you
There is the look of recognition coming stronger and stronger in your eyes
A mystical computers slow booting up
The pathway of the infant becoming a child
I said to your mama
She didn’t get born
She is being born everyday
And so are we

Three and a half miles into the city to watch the fights with my friends
Making time for normalcy or the semblance of it
I’ve stopped looking at the programming nuisance of the network news
So in my mind the world must be waking up because we are waking up
Everything is a projection
For all I know the world is falling back asleep and shattered
Like the screen of my phone
These words look broken as I type with my thumbs
But writing is my lifeline
I bet and lost a hundred on the fight
Oh well
I knew better but there you go
Lost it to a guy I won two hundred on the fight before so
I’m up all considered

Then I ran back home
FaceTiming your mama from the city at night
We reviewed our dreams
And I found a sermon to listen too
I walked all the way to the Manhattan bridge
In my barefoot running shoes
Walked halfway across the bridge and then ran
Listening to the word of God
Praying a lot
Praying is my other security blanket
There but for the grace of God go I
I say running by the disenfranchised
Life is a battle to keep your dreams alive
To see that look in your eye shift and become more awake and full of light

I ran into Dumbo
Running on my toes
My calves and lower legs screaming from the strain
But I love the challenge of running everywhere
I can see us running together
When you become a teenager
Even watching the fights I thought about getting you into athletics young
And training you in how limitless you can become

Once in dumbo I took off my shoes and grounded myself walking barefoot in the grass
The sprinklers were on and spraying me in the dark
With cool whips of water
Like a mystical invisible fish spitting on me from ethereal planes
Sprinklers like mine fields
Nearly two in the morning. Really messing up my morning routine
I ran barefoot the rest of the way home
Holding my shoes like a football
The touchdown being getting home to you and your mama

She was breastfeeding you when I walked into the bedroom
Are you hungry I asked
Yeah she said smiling
Should I go get you some yogurt
Yeah she said
I went to the bodega across the street
Late night supplies
How’s the baby my friend asked me
Great I said
How’s the mama
Great I repeated
How’s the daddy
I paused and smiled to myself
He’s great too I answered
And I meant it. I meant all those answers
It’s good to recognize the blessings
He said let me see a picture
I whipped a tiny video from my phone of you having hiccups

He then showed me a picture of his wife and child
Still in India
Then told me of his plans on getting them to come here to America and be with him
He said
Nothing matters like family
No one will love you like family
And your children will take care of you when you are older
I said
I feel like she’s taking care of me right now
Right here
I feel like it’s already worth it.