Dear Alessia 090521

The power of the lord is here to help us overcome
Listened to a Derrick Prince sermon upon awakening
The algorithm guides you like a digital therapist at times
Even as I’m being called to put down the digital tit to a degree
To separate myself a bit more from the bad news of the world
To bring myself out of the shouting match and into the conversation
And anyway for months I said How I felt out loud
When we all knew we weren’t supposed too and we weren’t allowed
And for that I was rather ruthlessly attacked the trauma of which I suppose I’m still processing
I had a strange dream where I was the object of an artists scorn
I tried to appeal to him how unfair that was
And to no avail
It was up to me to move along
In that same dream me and your mama were riding down a highway on top of a sprinter van
I told her to tell the driver to slow down
And when he did I flew off
Making the brilliant observation that it simply wasn’t safe
We rejoined the others inside the van
I believe then we wandered through large rooms
Where a female singer was singing the best song I had heard in a long while
I was jealous of it
But upon awakening I realized I needn’t be jealous
As it was all existing in the confines of my mind
My take away for it all
Is was
Was is
I must be processing trauma
The strangeness of being attacked in a public way
Losing much
And then nearly losing the will to care to even rebuild
Life will tempt you with resentment
And demonic entities will play on those resentments
And in the end it’s just another trick of the devil to steal your faith
To tempt you to turn your back on God
On life
On caring
It’s hard to care
And to live up to your potential
And to explore the illustrious garden of your heart
It’s hard to do that at the best of times
Nevermind after life has worn you down
Against the backdrop of blunders
With addictions
Promising temporary relief crawling and clawing their way into the center of your mind
It’s easy to let go and walk away from the whole damn proposition
And convince yourself the whole thing is meaningless
We live in a pit of distractions
The digital device in everyone’s hand
Provides a cheap and easy escape at every corner of the land
Throw in age and health
And a myriad of toxic relationships
And it’s a miracle people make it out of bed
So to speak

But two things happened this morning
Or three which make me feel like the lord is here to help me turn it around
The sermon by Derek Prince
Which talked about praise being
Like raid for roaches
But the demon version
In other words
Praise the lord even when you don’t feel like it
Especially when you don’t feel like it
And the demonic spirits will leave you
He spoke of giving this sermon to a demon possessed man
Who explained he was leaving cause he didn’t like the noise
But Derrick told him
It’s not you who doesn’t like the noise
It’s the devil within
If you leave he will leave with you
If you stay
He will still leave

So with the weight of a depressing head
I gave praise in the morning
The power of the lord is here to help us overcome
I said that sentence over and over
The power of the lord is here to help us overcome
Which by the way seems absurd to a degree
For me as well
For any believer
None of us have perfect faith
And you would be wise to question anyone who claims that
And I will admit to a degree of embarrassment to speak on these things
And to understand how lines such as these are ridiculed
And perceived by many
The power of the lord will help us overcome
The power of the lord will help us overcome

But the truth is
In the final estimation
It gets back to the Bob Dylan song
Serve somebody
Where he sings
It may be the devil
Or it may be the lord
But you know you gotta serve somebody
Because here
We have undeniable forces
And they demand an allegiance
Why?
I have no idea
It’s just an observation that becomes increasingly clear
And you are moved in one direction or the other
In all of life
Always and forever
And here we are swimming against the current we are swimming towards the salvation of our soul
Which again
Is often ridiculed as the stuff of crazy and dumb imagination
None of us who arrive here
Don’t know that or lose that entirely
But we keep going in spite of that
From the knowledge of caving into darkness
And the bottomless jaws of demonic possession
So many have surrendered their hearts long ago
It’s easy to
Do in a world gone mad
But the power of the lord will help help us overcome
So you speak praise
With a broken tongue

This Sunday
Your mama was feeding you on the couch
She goes there cause it’s easier on her back
She came into the room
And said let’s do a tech fast
I begrudgingly agreed
Having already looked through depressing channels of information
Looking for a clue that this public nightmare would end soon
That the psy opp of torture would be coming to a conclusion
No dice though
Just more of the same
Two insanities pointing fingers at each other
With hands of fire
It is a feedback loop
Your mother pointed out that it was tempting because it spikes cortisol but
It prevents real creativity
And she’s right
I know all this anyway but it’s easy to forget
Lucky are we to have someone remind us
Sunday is a reset
Put the phone on airplane mode
And type a letter to you
We made a plan for how to get after the week
A schedule
And such
The power of the lord will help you overcome
Then I fell back asleep and had those dreams which alerted me that I was in a process of recovery
Life is one long process of recovery
Or so it seems from time to time

But this is why the solution is simple
Ask the lord to help
Against how hopeless it all becomes
It becomes the only path
Or one path of two
Ask for help
Invite the lord into your soul
Ask to be helped
Ask to be redeemed
Ask to be saved
Ask to surrender
Ask to overcome
Praise the lord with a fractured tongue
Or else
Cave to the demons
Give over your soul
To fear
Convince yourself that nothing is real
And none of it matters
Or it matters only to the degree it matters on the surface
But no place deeper from there
And there are no stakes in eternity whatsoever
Those are the two roads
I know which one resonates as the truth for me
And which I can’t turn my back on
No matter how disillusioned or disappointed I become
I return to faith
And to the sentence I woke up with today
The power of the lord will help us overcome
I am blessed to wake up in the presence of you and your mama
And this week we will turn the ship around.