Dear Alessia 092721

Grace is the teacher at the front of the class
Whispering instructions
Which get louder when you tune in
Through the radio dials of prayer
Faith is a set of train tracks built on action
It motivates you in the morning
To let cold water hit you in the shower
And take giant gulps of air
Jumping into the fight against your corruption
Hope is the language of the future
Or the train that runs on the tracks of faith
Going into an ever widening tomorrow
Through an ever narrowing path

Faith without works is dead
But who can act in the absence of faith
People stuck on street corners begging
Perhaps lost their faith in torrents of betrayal
And so their bodies may work
But the strings connected to their energy source
Have been dropped by the hand of God
Not because he didn’t want to hold them
But because they didn’t believe that he could or should
Cultivating that relationship is your business here
And those are the tools and the teachers
Grace
Faith
Hope
And prayer

Hope is like your coach
Giving you endurance for the race ahead
It’s a marathon
Without hope you become injured and out of steam
You can’t keep going towards the vision in your dream

Often these things get confused with soft pastel spirits floating in and out of New Age music
But they are more like warriors with face paint running into electric jungles
With scars and tattoos
And the look of killers
Or assassins for the fields of light
Which humanity deserves to make his own

Faith is hard work
Day in and day out
The essence of work
A hammer through the nail of an impossible structure is faith
Laying the tracks down in the direction of your dreams
So that hope may find a way to see them
So that you have something that can carry you into the future
Hope is run on the steam of endurance
And makes loud whistles
When the devil throws artifacts of confusion along your tracks
Grace is there
Like a teacher
A teacher you are grateful to see
A teacher that kicks you out of class at the drop of a hat
Or rather walks out of the room which turns into a cage as soon as she’s gone
Grace is the teacher
Which gives you your song

Repentance is the application to get into the school
That grace teaches at
Your sins keep it a prison
Until you repent and the windows start glowing with an effervescent sun
Faith is the homework assignment she gives you
And the sticker she puts beside your grade
Is hope
Prayer is the tutor you have with you every step of the way

I walked again
Through the city on Sunday
Repeating Hooponopono most of the time on my way to the meeting
Sending it out to various people
Mostly ones I have issues with
Releasing the toxic bonds of betrayal
And taking responsibility for all aspects of my life and where I am
And who I am

There was refreshingly little self damnation
But rather a bounce fueled by faith and hope
Walking on a string of prayer like a tight rope over some flames

I let go of resentment
And in floods inspiration

Inspiration is the scholarship you get
Guiding you into courses of higher education

And the fruit of forgiveness

If you’re an artist and you’re blocked
Or blah
Or uninspired
I bet there’s someone you haven’t forgiven

Again forgiveness and hooponopono
Painted in pastels
When they should be painted in neon in blood
At midnight
In a ritual of warriors
Getting ready to battle at dawn
Power chords and big battle beats
Rather than soft sirens of the new age

These are all vehicles in the war of life
And life is a war
For the cosmos of your soul
And God wants you to make it into full restoration
He wants you to find your way back
Through the tricks and the tumultuous terrain of the tricksters
El Diablo
The devil
We are sinners here
And our sins God can’t over look
So he gave his son
Who was pure and free of sin
To sacrifice his life and bath us in his blood to be redeemed
Our shame to be made pure when we honestly repent and give our hearts to him
Who sacrificed his life
So that through his death
We are born again
Through his humiliation we can find glory
Through his sacrifice we can have abundance
We can love God as he did
And be loved by God as he was
And through our repentance and the washing of our souls in his blood
We can be redeemed
And in that redemption accuse the accuser
Our guilt lay defeated by the side of the road
Our faith
The hard work of our faith
Restoring us daily
And daily we pray
And daily we repent
And in these actions
Blossom into the full weight of who we really are
And who we were always meant to become

Guilt is a trickster who masquerades as your friend
Who accuses you of sin upon your last sin
Ever reminding you of what you did again
Keeping you locked in the past and swallowing the illusion of key
Like serpent slithering up a tree

But this is how God beat the devil
He gave his only son
He overrided everything we’ve ever done
He made us pure by sacrificing the perfect one

But is it real you say?
This all sounds insane
Who can believe this?
Are you a nut
I believe in science and there is no magical or mystical story which fuels this place
Just zeros and ones
And gas and guns
And people who are damned and burning in the sun
You keep it all above the neck
And use logic to be the anchor of your testimony

Your testimony is the story your faith is writing by the blood of the lamb

Try making it into a life of love any other way
Maybe you can
I speak only from my own experience
Going down so many different avenues and roads
And making it back here
Back to this relationship
Becoming ever more clear
Back to repentance and acceptance and the gratitude
Which like Hope gives you endurance
In the fight for the salvation of your soul

I walked all over the city again
I met an artist on the street and asked him about selling work there
His art was good
It was screen upon screen
In floating frame which gave it strange dimensions
A visual trick that was satisfying
The painting could shift depending on the angle you looked at it from
Such is life
He said he managed to make a good living being out there a couple days a week
He asked to see my work
And he liked it
Not the first one as much as the second
He encouraged me to get out there and go for it
I figure I will next weekend
Let the week be preparation
For the busking extravaganza I aim to make a festival of the streets

I walked and kept the mantra of ho’oponopono in my head
Like breath made of words
Other thoughts would come in and out
But I kept anchoring it back to those phrases
I love you
I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you

And as I allowed whoever to come into my field of inner vision
Like visiting spirits
All the people who have made up the dream of my life
Whatever battle they perceive we are in
Is no matter
For in my internal world I can forgive them
By the weight of my own responsibility
Which out weighs betrayal
Makes an infant of betrayal
Betrayal which is like a monster who can swallow you whole
BecOmes an infant in the arms of forgiveness born of your own responsibility
Out of the womb of ho’oponopono
I love you
I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you

It matters not what they have done
Or what you perceive they have done
What matters is you let it all go
So that inspiration can flood back in

I made it to the meeting in time
It was a Sunday meditation

Twenty minutes in the group
They turned the lights down
And had candles lit and scattered around

This is the same room
I went to back in the early two thousands
It was one of the “rough rooms”
Even within the program
There are factions and clicks and classes
Sad but true
This was one of the dangerous rooms
Where people smoked and the meetings went deep into the night
I think there was even a 2 am one back in the day
I used to goto it and walk back home to my place on 22nd street
In the loneliness of dawn
That was a good apartment
It faced into a back courtyard full of trees
And so birds would fill my space with their song and chirping presence.
I recorded a lot of great stuff there
Come to where I’m from and vacancy
Queen of brooklyn
I remember listening to it loud at dawn as the birds said hello
I had nothing then but my work
A total focus on a glorious future lay ahead

Now as I write this
I here you cry in the other room
I guess the nipple fell out of your mouth with your mama dozing off
I have so much more now
So much more to fuel all this

Love like I’ve never know
Just being around you is the biggest gift I’ve ever known
Just being in your presence
A being of love radiating between stations of need and release
The spirit in you soaring and already complete
We just stare into each other’s eyes
And who knows what we are saying
Something ancient and entirely new being communicated between us
I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to experience this

I walk through the city
I love you
I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you

I turn a corner and remember getting mugged on this street years ago
Twenty years ago
I smile at the pep in my step
That fact that we get to rebuild rejuvenate and revitalize our existence whenever we choose
If we can leave guilt slayed by the side of the road
Through washing in his blood we are made pure once again
But only as long as we remain in the light

People sometimes call it a cop out
The accuser certainly does
Oh you can sin and sin and all you have to do is ask for repentance and it all goes away?

It all goes away to the degree that you can keep it away
Through the teacher that is grace
It invites the teacher back in
So that you can hear and heed the lesson once again
It goes away to the degree that you can work
Which is faith
The hard worker
The night shifter
The one up at dawn cracking eggs to get ready for the run he’s about to go on
It goes away to the degree you can hope
A hope which equates to your ability to endure
Endure another season of repentance
Another confiscation from the devil
To hand over your dreams
To endure the endless race and everything it screams
It’s not a cop out at all

But rather a lining up at the starting line
To begin the race a new
It gives you a chance is all
It gives you a chance
And without it
The world is a perpetual dismantling into darkness
Through his sacrifice we have possibility
That is all
What will you do with it?
It’s a relationship
It’s a beginning.