You make life too fun
It’s such a happy feeling just hanging out with you and your mama
That it’s hard to be driven and motivated
In many ways for the first time in my life
There’s nothing missing to strive for
Nothing pushing me to seek
Something internal relaxed
A feeling that things are complete
Watching you push through the early stages of life
Everytime you make a new sound
It’s hard to explain
But there’s something thrilling about it
Like you’re the first human ever
A prototype creation
Blooming into the function of what you will become
And not just for you but for all of mankind
I’m not saying everything is resolved within
And that I’ve crossed the threshold of enlightenment simply because you exist
There are still demons in the world
There’s still maintenance and runs to complete
Therapy and dinners
Dirty dishes to be washed
And diapers to change
The world isn’t just a springboard of Roses
Floating in a sea of milk and honey
But it’s much more that
Than it was before
And it’s more that than it’s ever been for me
So thank you you angel
Today your mama and me have couples counseling at 1030
And then I’m gonna put on my new Hokas and run into the city
Either listening to crypto breakdowns or run the jewels
We love our therapist
And for us having a weekly check in
And working on our communication has worked wonders
We are both invested in making the family unit work
And keeping our love alive
Through the trials and tribulations of this life
Before we started couples counseling (which was suggested wisely by your grandpa Frank)
I had an aversion to it to a degree
There’s a saying that goes
Things are either easy or impossible
And like any truism
The opposite of it is also true
Things shouldn’t be too hard
But putting a little effort into your relationship goes a long way
Or it does for us
We work to keep the environment ripe for your happiness
And the happiness of each other
And we’ve traversed difficult subjects with each other
And are still in love with a love that grows
Working our way out of corners of dysfunction into the center of the ring of something that really works
And to raise a child
To raise you as a team
Is just really fun on a day to day basis
More fun than anything else I’ve done
Or easily as much
I’m looking forward to my run after therapy
Big gulps of air
And inspiration having an easy conversation
New running shoes
With ridiculous cushions
I like all types of running
From barefoot
To cushioned
And I think it’s best to switch it up
To support different aspects of your legs and feet at different times
The barefoots are better on your knees and hips
Cause you run with a delicate touch which saves your joints
Or the knees and hips
But is harder on the feet and calves
Whereas the hokas I’m running in today
Are like running on clouds
Easy on the feet and calves
But potentially harder on the knees and hips
Because when you run on clouds you can hit the ground hard
You can become unconscious about it
And drift into the realms up in your head
A few years back I got into athletics in a way that was more intense than ever before
It revolved around
Boxing
And yoga
And running
It was a way to work out of trauma in the personal realm
Demons that had been chasing me down my whole life
Finally caught up with me
And jumped me in the alleyway of adulthood
It was certainly a crossroads
Around the awareness of NPD style relationships and bonds in my life
And the detrimental effects they had always had
But which were kept at bay
By a go getterness and achievement based philosophy-of life
That finally stopped working
And to survive the breakdown
I got physical
I brought the demons to the realm of the actual
Turned them into bags
And laced up boxing gloves
I would train almost every day
Multiple times a day
From boxing I would go running to a hot yoga class
And then sometimes do the class straight after
I was a beast
Quickly I got into the best shape of my life
I started to have dreams of becoming a professional boxer
Which at my age was something of a ridiculous aspiration
However my genetics allowed me to dream big
And those big dreams led to a dedication
Which actually paid off
I survived those times of wild isolation
And the trauma would regularly take me on ten mile runs
Half marathon days
Yoga and boxing nights
And then long meditations in epsom salt baths
In the little garage I lived in in Red Hook
Surviving that
let’s me know I can survive anything.
Nothing more difficult than isolation to fight your way through
Beyond arts and crafts
Or in addition too
If you can find a sport to invest some passion in
Not only will it enrich your life
Make you a bad ass
Teach you discipline
Give you a sense of physical accomplishment like no other
But
It may also just help you survive
When the emotional landscape of your life
Veers into rough business
I want that for you
Not the rough business
But the dedication to a sport
You will certainly be on another level
I can tell already
In your nine month old jump suit at two months old
Future monster
Your mama is in the kitchen making eggs
You’re stretching in and out of sleep as I write this laying here beside you
The only problem with life being this good
Is it’s more difficult to get lost in ambitious activity
To push yourself into difficulty
From a place of satisfaction
I guess that’s the real test
Or at least the new test
Thank God
And I mean that
Thank God