There are Wednesdays that feel like Monday’s
Or weeks you start too late
Mondays are so often super sundays
And tuesdays are the things Monday’s tend to wish they were
Thursday is the week kicking off into itself
And Thursday is always Thursday
Nothing more and nothing less
Thursday is perfect (and it’s always autumn on Thursday no matter the season)
Couldn’t be improved upon
Friday
Is always dreaming about Saturday
And Sunday belongs to the Lord
I woke up in stress about what we are going to do
The train is rattling the apartment
And horns are driving insanity off in the distance
Like a three car pile up a mile away
You’re on the couch grunting and groaning in a sleep which will soon turn into a cluster feeding cry
Your mama is in the studio room organizing
(She just gave me a pep talk about avoiding toxic nonsense and charging full steam ahead into life. I got lucky)
I’m writing and chewing on ice covered in cold brew
It’s 742 am
It’s Wednesday
There’s crumbs from an almond cake on a plate
More than crumbs. Just ate a piece.
A little pump cup for gathering breast milk
Six cans of spray paint
Dead flowers
A nebulizer with a bottle of food grade hydrogen peroxide
Some honey
And Tabasco
Car keys and headphones
All on our glass round dining room table (I found on the street in the east village and carried in sections for blocks imagining family meals in the future. That’s how dreams are made)
Sitting on a carpet I got
When I found out you might be arriving on the planet and may need a space to crawl
Careful of the forces of negativity the world spins around you
Make sure not to let those voices in your head
And especially make sure that they never become your own voice
Defeating your potential with self doubt and fear
There are so many pitfalls around
So many sources of toxic garbage
So many “friends “ and even family who can become those sources
Whether knowingly or unknowingly
Consciously or unconsciously
And the pitfalls and landmines across the field in the direction of your dreams
Are astounding
Lou Reed has a song
Bus load of faith
It’s takes a bus load of faith to get by he sings
And the Bible says you just need a mustard seed worth to move a mountain
But whatever the amount
It takes faith
It takes that spark
I think you need at least enough for a prayer
Once you cast that prayer out there
You can flip a situation
The lord hears you
And the answers will come
Just don’t give up
And remember the devil comes harder when he knows you will soon be breaking away
You started to cry
But I picked you up and rocked you a bit
You fell asleep instantly
Arms outstretched in complete trust with the universe
You don’t even know what and who you are
You have no reason to fear anything at all
And so you don’t
You simply cry when a need is not being met
And the need gets met
We should all take a page out of that book
(We imitate you actually. We try and sleep with our arms up and open. It’s funny to be honest)
Learning to let go
In a fractured
And deluded completely insane universe
There is nothing to fear
We should all be as free as you
Spread open on the couch of life waiting to be delivered
There is something wonderful about letting it all go
Being fearless in a fear based society
No matter what the downfall is
Tapping into the ability to not give concern to anything but the moment
I keep tapping into that feeling
Complete surrender
Or even incomplete surrender
Approaching surrender
Being unattached and worry free
Letting the world and the people in it have it’s nonsense
It’s really none of my concern
That doesn’t mean I don’t care
It just means
I know my care can only achieve so much
And once it’s done that
I may as well choose faith
Choose surrender
Choose letting go
Letting God
So many years spent being a mental janitor for a mind covered in graffiti sprayed on by thugs
You start to identify with the writing on the wall
But that’s dangerous if the source was never divine.
I never know what I’m gonna write in these missives to you
I feel like maybe I’ll
Just repeat myself
But I want to give you the story of the life I had before you had your feet on me sleeping on the couch
I wanna give you that story
The museum I opened in Dumbo
The first AA meeting in Atlanta
Staying in a motel in LA with a rock n roll band taking mushrooms everyday of a year
Being a bouncer
Selling guitars
Cooking at a gourmet spot in little five points
I want your life to be epic and varied
I’ve been lucky and I’ve been cursed
But mostly lucky
I woke up this morning with you crying and your mama taking you to the couch to breastfeed
Then when you fell asleep she came back into the room
We need to goto storage this week
And start selling stuff if we are gonna make it outta here by the winter I told her
Out in Jersey I have past lives stored in some rooms with a padlock
We gotta get rid of those and everything else if we want to be light on our feet and traverse the globe looking for freedom in the apocalypse
That’s the loose plan
But God laughs when you’re making those
Plans I mean
Still. It would be nice to be someplace hot and free
When the winter hits
It would be nice to be hidden on some ocean
As God takes the worlds temperature at the downfall of man
And hopefully I’m just being dramatic and the world will recover itself
Hopefully but I doubt it
You’re waking up now
Kicking and grunting
Back to sleep and then hurking and jerking
So I’ll put this down and pick you up
And whisper into your perfect little head
I’m gonna find you a place to dream
To unwind the full spectrum of your being across what’s left of the earth
That’s my promise and now my purpose babygirl
To find you a place to dream.