From Tribeca to Cleveland thru Soho to Brighton Beach
The F train to the Q
And a Coney Island Of The Mind
I started a fast
And so decided to walk to my afternoon meeting
The sun beaming down
Through the avenues I had walked down countless times
To others where I had never been before
That’s New York City for you
I had on my Browns hat flipped backwards
And would stop and do push ups every now and again
When the street was empty enough
The world is my gym
Now that I’m no longer allowed inside them.
Hey Cleveland I heard from behind me
A black guy with dreds and a friendly demeanor
I used to live there he said
Where you from
Akron
I answered
I noticed he had a cup full of crinkled bills
We kept talking
Lebron James he went on
And the Ojays! There’s a cab company called
Ojay and that’s where they got there name
Really?! I said I didn’t know that
That’s right man
We kept walking and talking
That happens sometimes in the city
Miniature relationships born by the logic of the street
Good people come from Ohio
I joked
He said I know that’s right
You gotta be a warrior to deal with the cold
The mistake by the lake he joked back
So many nights playing blues in those bars
Riding through death defying terrain
Huge snowfalls
And big trucks with intense lights
Follow you home from a gig
In the middle of the night
My friend AJ came with me so many times
And drove there and back
So I was free to drink
Already then that seemed like part of the ritual
To get in that mythical space
Of playing bass in bad ass blues band
The ears ringing from the outrageous volume
For years
They never stopped ringing
Lines around the block no matter the season
I looked in my little wallet and pulled out some money for my new friend
And stuffed it in his cup
Neither of us made a thing of it so our friendship could remain front and center
Yeah they raise soldiers out there
He repeated
We walked a bit more and then he veered one way and I veered the other
And just like that that connection went into the either
Got into a spirit cab with Ojay on the door and took off into the sky
I walked through soho and saw people selling art on the street
I took video so I could emulate their technique
Future goals busking
And street selling
I have visions yet to become realities
This is God giving dreams
Listen to the peculiar edge of his speech
And heed the call
I kept walking but was late for the meeting
Doesn’t much matter
Nobody cares so I listened to the shares and felt grateful
To be there
Me your mama had plans to goto Brighton Beach
And take you with us of course
The little cluster feeding machine you are and remain
I never knew breastfeeding was a marathon
Someone shared about loneliness in these times
The kind of loneliness that follows you
An older gentleman with no family
I could see it being a version of myself from the future
A version which hopefully won’t exist
And seemingly will not
But nothing is guaranteed us
Nothing ever is
Another reason to walk by faith
The one guarantee is your relationship with God
Cultivate it
Protect it
Honor it
And serve it
And it will serve you through the trials and tribulations which are inevitable
And keep looking for inspiration like signposts from the most high towards the cultivation of your dream and his will for you
That kind of loneliness
I’ve had that kind of loneliness
That kind that can crush you
The kind that is like a tormenting being following you
With people all around
And none of them for you
Isolated by your own determination and division
Or perhaps you woke up into a toxic world
Where you needed isolation to find safety again
Whatever the case
I have walked in that kind of loneliness for years
And here I am
Very far away from that kind of loneliness
Hearing someone share about
Currently in it
I can only pray for him
I can only think there but for the grace of God go I
I can only be grateful that that is not my lot anymore and hopefully ever again
And I can only be exceedingly grateful that that is the case
A reminder of gratitude
And reminder to be extra present later on at the beach with you and your mama
That’s how that program works
That’s one of the ways
A powerful way
Going into rooms where people are working on themselves
Telling on themselves
Admitting things
And in the presence of spiritual principles
Grace
And prayer
It’s very powerful
Talk about a soul vitamin
I was in and out of there like the wind
Didn’t say high to anyone
I had a lyric sheet of honey and the moon to send off to Sweden and need to goto a special post office near tenth street
To get the best deal
I walked through the village to the art store on Bond
Bought a portfolio
Some pens
Some paper
Then headed to tenth
Shipped the tube to Sweden and headed for the train
Stopping at the kava spot for a seltzer
Slippery place
Sure
But I love the community and I know I won’t imbibe
Too much to lose
And though kava is “light”
There is something so addictive about it
Or maybe some of us just can’t alter our moods at all without wanting to do it again everyday
I am certainly a creature of habit
Which can work to my favor it properly guided
Not so much
If not
But the kava spot is great just the same
And I dig seltzer and showing myself the discipline to endure temptation
Very very light temptation
As the high from sobriety is profound
And way better than the small kava buzz which would rob me of it
I get on the train
F line
And me and your mama meet at the train station near our home
She has you in a sling
And you are mostly mellow
But then suddenly not
Suddenly demanding to be fed
With tremendous cries
Which become quieted quickly as the nipple slides in your mouth
And you begin sucking ferociously
Your growth is remarkable
Me and your mama make jokes
About how you’re such a baby
Acting like a baby
Cause you are a baby
(Probably you’d have to be there)
I’m reading a script on my phone
And we are riding the train
We get off at the Q line
And from there we see Coney Island across the sky line
Your mama shaking you up and down gently
Always in a negotiation with your tears
And not really your tears
That’s just poetry
I don’t even think I’ve seen tears from you yet
But in negotiations with your cries
Which come as soon as you want milk and don’t have her tit in your mouth
And I mean as soon as
Infants don’t have nuanced communication skills
It’s an all or nothing type of deal
Kinda like the modern world of social media when I think about it.
Anyway
We get to the beach
Your mama points out parks she played in as a child
All around us people are speaking Russian
She goes back to her roots whenever we go here
And I go there with her
It’s becoming a tradition
We lay the blanket on the sand
And your mama never takes you out of the sling
The breeze makes it cool out here
Low 70’s
Not hot enough to get in the water
I drink water with Trace Elements in it to get my electrolytes for the fast
I give some to your mama as well
Who says she feels faint from the feeding
We lay there awhile
I listen to a new video of an interview with Geert Vanden Bosche and Dr Robert Malone
They reiterate in med speak
The kind of sentiment I was trying to get at with my previous post
That says basically
We need to let go of this divisiveness over the shot
And covid and all
We need to all come together and view it as a unified community
They echoed the sentiment that for many it made better sense to build up natural immunity
And for others perhaps the shot was justified
I couldn’t agree more and wished and hoped the world at large could see what I see as logical
Or in the very least respect differences without cancellation or removing people from society
A friend wrote me
Who sees all this as I do and she was quite disheartened to have lost certain family and friends
I sent her a message of strength and solidarity
As the waves brushed lightly against the shore
You and your mama were napping and I snapped some pictures
Thinking about the man in the meeting and his loneliness
Feeling lucky again
The world is struggling to become whole
We need God and faith more than ever
Hopefully we will all be sane and unified in the near future
Until then
Hopefully we can all find a way to hang on.
Ps
And back to the permanent ringing of the ears
For years
Stacks of guitar amps on blast
A head next to a cymbal crash
For months at a time
No ear plugs
And if I used em
They wouldn’t last
The rush of loud music in the immediate now
Became a soul elixir I could never turn down
But sneak back to my stack of amps
And turn up
Which made the others do the same
We were loud
We were so loud
That at certain point
You just can’t be louder
And so my ears rang for years
And now sitting writing to you
I hear only the subtle sounds of a brooklyn Sunday
The upstairs neighbor moving furniture across the floor
And a conversation in the distance on the street
The body’s ability to restore and rejuvenate
A car door closes outside
I get to have another day
Restored and rebuilt
Two days now
Or day two of the fast
The sun is shining
There is no ringing in my ear
I get to venture in those streets again
Today I aim to not be late.